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Avoiding Awkward Convos: How to Uninvite the Person who’s Inviting Themselves to Your Wedding

  • 3 min read

The dreaded question we know every bride will encounter at least once during the wedding planning process: “Can I come to the wedding?!” There’s always that one person who asks if they can attend...and you never planned on inviting them in the first place.

Believe it or not, there is a tactful and classy way to respond to this question without stepping on toes! Check out these three responses to addressing unwanted, self-invited guests to your wedding day.

Limited Guest Count and/or Venue Restriction

As you’re planning, you’ll quickly find out that numbers add up! Each person on your list (including children) holds a place in your overall guest count.

If you have someone approach you about getting an invite, this is a great response if you’re looking to limit your total guest count. With COVID regulations, many venues have also cut down on the number of guests allotted during an event.

Here are a few quick responses to this topic:

  • “Unfortunately, we had decided to limit our guest list due to venue restrictions.”
  • “Our venue is only allowing us X amount of guests, so we sadly cannot invite everyone we’d like to be there with us.”
  • “We recently chose to limit our guest count for the protection of all our guests.”
  • “We decided we would rather have a smaller celebration.”

Your Budget Won’t Allow

Not only does every guest hold a spot in your overall guest count – they also hold monetary value! You will have to budget for each person that attends, which includes seating, tables, favors, place cards, meals, and much MUCH more.

This can add up quickly if you’re having a large wedding. This becomes even harder when guests don’t RSVP (AH!!!).

In all honesty, many people just don’t understand how much it truly costs to plan a wedding. They don’t know that their attendance costs money, so you might have to explain that.

At the end of the day if you can’t afford to have them at your wedding – you just can’t! There’s no harm in telling someone that your budget won’t allow you to invite over X amount of guests.

Here are a few quick responses to this topic:

  • “Due to the budget we set, we have to be selective about who is and isn’t invited to our wedding.”
  • “We have a lot of family and friends we’d love to invite, but we’ve decided to save more for our honeymoon and marriage rather than spending it on a large wedding.”
  • “We are figuring out weddings are super expensive and are currently having to cut back on our guest list.”

Selective/Intimate Celebration

Whether your celebration is small and intimate, or large with only those of high significance being in attendance – it’s totally okay to tell someone you’re being selective about who’s coming. Keeping your celebration meaningful is super important and it’s okay to communicate that.

Here are a few quick responses to this topic:

  • “We have decided to limit who’s to our wedding.”
  • “We decided we want a smaller, more intimate celebration.”
  • “Having a meaningful celebration is highly important to us, so we are having to cut back in certain areas, which includes who is invited to our wedding.”

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Bottom line, it’s not your job to justify and go into the details of why so-and-so isn’t invited! It’s your and your fiancé’s wedding day not theirs, so give them an answer in a polite and tactful way.

You might even add, “We know this isn’t ideal for everyone, but due to our current circumstances we feel that this decision is best for us and both our families.” You can always remind them of other ways they can support you during your marriage journey.

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